Pre-Crisis Primer: Another Whiner...

Green Lantern #175-181

“Take This Job--And Shove It!”

Oh god, the yellow! Even the steamroller is yellow.

Holy sub-plots! There's a ton of stuff going on in these issues, so let's get to it. And yes, Green Lantern does face a villain who happens to be outfitted with some yellow weaponry.

Two great things about this story: there's a focus on some pretty rad and colorful Green Lantern villains and the writer finds a way to make Green Lantern interesting to me. The villains on focus here are some of the odder in Green Lantern lore. First encountered is The Shark, not a man who was mutated into a shark, but instead a shark who encountered radiation or toxic waste, or some other such catalyst left floating in the ocean by a careless humanity, who is forced via rapid evolution into a man/shark hybrid. The best part is that the villain is so angry about this mutation, he hates humanity for it. He'd rather be a shark swimming around. Being a man-sized shark, you'd expect The Shark to go around eating the shit out of people right? Well, sure he can, but instead he's telepathic. He eats your thoughts.

Why sully your teeth on flesh when mental powers will do in a pinch?

A shark that's angry it was mutated into a more evolved human-like form AND one which does not chow down on people but instead messes with them with his mind. Blowing all kinds of cliches out of the water there; The Shark is just not what you'd expect. He also runs around in a purple unitard. That's what we like to call 'not giving a fuck.'

Wow, spent a lot of time on The Shark. I dig that guy. Part of my DC Universe (hence the blog) love is definitely towards these goofy, gimmick-heavy villains. That don't make a whole lot of sense, but damn if they're not creative and part of the fun. 

Two alpha-male dicks beat up on the mentally ill.

The story also introduces two new rogues, one of which is the Demolition Team, a group of deconstruction workers with inexplicably gold-plated weapons such as a rivet gun and a jackhammer who are hired by the vengeful Congressman we met during the last story to destroy Ferris Aircraft. The other rogue is the Predator, a mysterious black-clad vigilante with a penchant for claws and axes. He has a stake in both saving Ferris Aircraft as well as wooing Carol Ferris. Considering how superheroes normally treat their significant others, I'd recommend Carol to drop Hal like a bad habit. Yeah, the lunatic with the axe would be a better suitor.

Think about it Carol, just think about dreamboat here.

Let's sum up the story: Hal is attacked by The Shark, who proceeds to mop the floor with the jade hero by devouring his thoughts, knocking him into a psychic coma. But of course, comic books being what they are, Hal recovers and sends Shark-tastic packing. While all this is going on, Vengeful Congressman hires the Demolition Team through our favorite henchmen middle-man, The Monitor. As the DTs (the comic book makes this joke as well) proceed to trash Ferris Aircraft (sub-plot alert: architect John Stewart is hired to fix up the airfield), mostly seeking to prevent Ferris from turning a profit on their new solar jet (sub-plot with Bruce Gordon and the villain Eclipso!) because Vengeful Congressman hates Ferris. 

John Stewart would even be a better Green Lantern....

With Hal incapacitated, sent by the Guardians to rescue another planet in his space sector, The Predator, who has a keen interest in Ferris succeeding with the construction of the solar jet, appears to save the day. Too bad for the Demolition Team that their yellow weapons don't mean anything to a psychopath with a blade fetish. The flesh of vengeful congressmen aren't The Predator's weakness either as he proceeds to turn Vengeful Congressman to sushi when thus completing the whole sad affair.

Oh, and of course the second great thing of this story besides the villains: Hal Jordan acts like a goddamn baby and quits the Corps, relinquishing both his ring and his superhero identity.

Cry-baby. Sorry you had to save a planet of non-humans Hal.

Let's back up a bit, I had mentioned that Hal had been incapacitated during the attack on Ferris Aircraft. When he does finally show up, with Ferris in disarray, Carol gives him all kinds of hell for not being around. What was he doing? The Guardians, rightly, I might add, were a bit worried that Hal, who is supposed to be the protector of an entire space sector, multiple galaxies, is spending a bit too much of his time on one planet protecting his girlfriend's business. Hearing that a far-off planet when is dire need; that is, the planet's core was going to pull a Krypton and pop like a zit, The Guardians force Hal Jordan to get off his ass and save the damn planet.

Which he does do, admittedly, stabilizing the core. Although he bitches about it the whole time. He'd rather be on Earth helping his friends. He's incredibly, pathologically selfish.

What an asshole.

He'd rather be helping his friends business than saving an entire planet. This is the impetus for Jordan quitting the Corps: they forced him to do something he didn't want to do. Namely his job, but Hal doesn't see it that way.

This is where I lose Hal Jordan and where the 'Green Lantern' title gains my interest with the promise of a new character. So exit Hal Jordan and enter...well, I have to save something for next time.

In the meantime, as Hal walks off to enjoy retirement with Carol, I really hope she dumps him for The Predator and someone throws a lemon at Hal, killing him.